jamesmsama.medium.com/amazing-things-happen-when-you-prioritize-self-care-584f0404d797

medium.com/heart-affairs/the-idea-of-meeting-someone-great-can-be-as-scary-as-the-idea-of-meeting-no-one-at-all-f83ac89429c6

I need to share my latest encounter on dating sites. I offer this narritive in a effort to make sense of the experience. He liked me, I liked his profile. That’s how it started. I found out he was a Social Worker. Some of my best friends are social workers. The match was beginning to make sense. We chatted briefly, from Sunday when we matched, until Tuesday of that week. He had commented that he was apprehensive about trying this site, he felt less so after connecting with me. He texted to invite me to lunch if I was in Philadelphia and gave me his office phone number. I responed by text , thanking him and letting him know that I was not sure when I would be in Philly again. He called me, I was surprised. How did he get my phone number. I realized it was a call from the platform. I felt uncomfortable, like a boundary had been ignored. I did not answer. I acknowledged that he called and asked when could I call him back.He responded , but did not let me know what was a good time to get back to him. He text to ask if I were free, he had just left the gym. He let me know that he was also free tomorrow at 10a and that I could call him at his office or on this platform. I responded Tuesday around 3pm to let him know that I am almost always at yoga on Tuesday mornings at 10a.I asked what the rest of his afternoon looked and what time did he leave his office. The response was that he “deactivted”, our conversation. Th following is the text I should have sent, but didn’t.

Dear Michael, why did you block me? Did I not respond quickly enough for your ego. Where is your social work training? I don’t know what stings more , that you hurt my feelings or that I allowed you to hurt my feelings. I considered calling your office. I reconsidered because I was not quite sure why I would call. To tell you you hurt my feelings, if I was right to think you might have a strong need to be in control ? Would calling you make me seem like a crazy person who was stalking you? I have not figured it out. I am not sure why I continue to flounder on these sites. It’s this kind of behavior that contributes to dating fatigue. I ask you on behalf of myself and other women searching for love to me kind in your future encounters. If you have a sudden change of heart or question the match, then just say so. Karma is a real thing.

Kindly, Stephanie

Thanks for reading.

Sitting in my neighborhood Mexican Restaurant. I have been taking myself to lunch alone for years. Today, I would have preferred companionship. I cannot wait to tell you who I thought it might have been.Stay tuned to the first chapter of MEN BEHAVING BADLY.

Today, I attended yoga for the first time in 8 weeks. I was recuperating from stomach surgery which resulted in muscle loss and lack of energy. I was disappointed that at the time of surgery I had built a exercise routine, yoga Tuesdays and Pilates Fridays. It took me so long to achieve that schedule and now surgery was going to shut it down.

It has been a journey to feel at home in my body again. Bouncing back at 70 is not like bouncing back in my 40’s. It felt so good to be back.

sixtyandme.com/love-being-single/

“I have since deleted all dating sites and do not actively search for a partner. The funny thing is, now that the daunting task of searching is done, and I am happy being single, I meet friends, date, and have healthy and satisfying relationships.

I have my own time and I have time together. I can travel with a friend, or I can travel alone. When I am asked which side of the bed I prefer, I smile and say the middle of the bed because most nights the bed belongs to just me!”

The above quote from the linked article, made me think. I am single and have been so for awhile. What have I learned from being single?

I have not deleted dating apps. In fact I keep adding more in hope this would improve my search for a partner/ friend/ lover/ husband. I want something that I never had. It makes sense that I should be able to articulate what that is.

I am committed to stating what it is that I want that I never had. I also want to write about the men I have met on this journey. So please stay tuned.

This is me, at brunch with my best friend. 3 months into my 2023 Gap Year. My first three months have been plagued with health challenges. Dead butt syndrome and hamstring injuries presented in January. March saw the return of my tumor. I have named her Cleopatra.
I have a new love interest. His name is Alvin. I like his energy, he lives in Maryland. He had come to see me 3 times in 2 months.
I have still not been able to sell my Mom’s home.